It has taken me 20+ years to finally figure out what I’ve been doing wrong in relationships. But it’s not too late for me to find that “ONE” who God has intended for me.

It says in the bible that “a woman chooses her mate, and it is up to the man to pursue her”. In laments terms, means that just because he is pursuing you does not mean that he is the ONE for you.

We as women have the upper hand in deciding to keep them or not. Yes women, we have that much power. Men, I’m sorry if this is offensive to you, but it is the truth, so keep reading.

See ladies, we get so caught up and excited when a man comes along and give us a cup of attention, an ounce of affection and a teaspoon of love that we begin to think that he is “ALL That”. Well I am here to tell you that he ain’t.

Don’t misunderstand me, and I definitely do not want to come off as “bitter woman”. Because I am not; but, I was once her.

When any relationship that I was in went sour, I just could not understand what went wrong. I just did not get why this brotha didn’t want me.

I asked God all of the basic questions. “What’s wrong with me, why can’t he love me the way that I love him, what did I do, why can’t a man stay with me”? Why, why, why, why, why turned into why-ning (whining), and I got sick of listening to my own self.

I started going off on me. You know when you take those fast paced brisk walks around the house going no-where. You know the way you start talking yourself out of missing and loving that man when he’s gone.

You are going off so tough that your finger is up and waving in the air and your head is shaking and your neck is rolling as if he was right there in front of you. You are calling him every sorry Negro and the names that his mama didn’t name him at birth. You’ve got your Mary J. Blidge CD playing in the background to give you that extra encouragement, “No more pain, no more pain, no more drama in my life, I ain’t never gonna hurt again”!

We all know, whether we are Black, White, Hispanic, Chinese or Japanese or whatever race we are that Mary J. is the Evangelist of broken hearted, get off your tail, get back out, and get strong music to listen too when you are going through. At least she is for me.

I get so sick and tired of these broken wing brothas coming around and trying to sell a field of dreams about the kind of woman he wants, and the kind of man he is, and what he looks for in a mate.

Oh and how he’s ready to settle down, and have a family and build a life. The thing is, this is what he is saying, but are there any actions behind what he has said? Nope, none, nada, zipo.

We as women and maybe not all of us, but for the majority of us are taking what he says as if he’s at a round table interview trying to get the job as our man.

He’s answered all of the questions with the correct answers that we want to hear, so instantly we want to hire him. So without interviewing the other candidates for the job, we stop right there, and hire the first candidate because his interview was perfect and we feel that he is the right man for the job.

We limit ourselves by not considering the other candidates because we’ve been burned so many times in the past with other men who didn’t fulfill the job requirements. That when a man comes along and says all of the right things, we instantly want to reel him in before he gets away.

We throw our fishing rods out with the best bait on it and we hook, line and sink him. We have succeeded in getting what we thought was the catch of the day.

Well, what do you mean bait you asked? The bait is our list of requirements and the standards we hold as a woman, and what our expectancy is from a man who is deserving of us.

On the end of our hooks should be a list. That way when we cast our lines into the water; on the end of the hook is our list with the type and kind of man we will except in our lives.

That way when he is under water reading the list, he’ll know whether he is the man for the job and grab on, or read it and then decide that this is just too much for him to deal with, because he is still swimming in the sea looking at other fishes.

We have to make it known from the very beginning of any conversation with a man or woman what we are looking for and what we will except and not except.

This will avoided any confusion later on, and also when he or she does something that you don’t like, it will not be said that neither of you did not know.

We all have to get away from being afraid of asking questions for fear of that person getting away, or turning them off.

So what and who cares if they are offended, or turned off. If this happens, then obviously there is an underlying issue there that is a big red flag.

If that person has nothing to hide, then he or she will not be offended by your lune of questioning. Nor be turned off, and will answer any question freely, and hopefully honestly.

©2017 IamU™~JustBeingStaci™~
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